Marla Press, Author of I'm a Dog, You're a Cat

Today we are interviewing Marla Press about her book, "I'm a Dog You're a Cat: Love Lessons From Our Furry Friends."

Tell us a bit about yourself.
I grew up in Rock Island, Illinois. I had what you'd call a typical, wonderful small town experience. There were enough people to be interesting but small enough to run the streets. You know, like high school girl gangs. We were so not tough.

We always had dogs and cats so I guess it's natural that I understand their personalities. I went to college in Austin, Texas and ended up moving to Houston later and that's where I've been for the past 19 years.
 
Describe your book in a few sentences.
“I'm a Dog, You're a Cat: Love Lessons From Our Furry Friends” is a shorter version of “Mars and Venus” only with dogs and cats. It offers a quick, easy to understand method to access and understand people and their personalities with an added dose of humor.
 
Who do you think would most appreciate this book?
Everyone can benefit from understanding other people's personalities. However, my inclination and observations are that dogs are more likely to care about how people are hard-wired. Ok, as a “dog,” I admit that I'm biased. I think that we care more about what people think of us, thus care about how we act towards them. While “cats” (we truly love you), really kind of have the world by the tail. They act the way they act and everyone needs to just deal with it!

What inspired you to write a book about the personality traits of our feline and canine companions?
I started dating a wonderful man 71/2 years ago. I thought that he liked me but I didn't understand his actions. I would leave town for several days for work and not hear from him. What?! If you like someone you call that person 100 times a day, right? Okay, at least 3!

After consulting a good friend (who we discovered later happened to also be a “cat”), we determined he was a great guy, but he had the personality of a cat. Sometimes aloof, independent, a tad moody; he had most of the traits. It became apparent to me that I in turn was a “dog.” A big, needy, optimistic, overly friendly dog! The new dog/cat "language" helped us understand each other from the beginning. If I'm getting too needy, he'll hiss a bit but I remind him that he can't get mad, that's my DNA. By contrast, when he needs to be left alone for a time, I have to accept that this is his DNA. It works for us and I know it can help others.
 
Have you always been interested in the relationships people have with their dogs and cats?
I guess I have been collecting stories about people all my life. I'm an observer. The dog/cat tie in is something that really just came to me when I started dating my boyfriend (the cat).
 
What was the creative process like for you?
Believe it or it, this was the easy part. When I decided that I wanted to write a book and share the idea, I just started talking to people. Every story in the book is a real life story from someone I talked to. As for the illustrations, I wanted the book to be light, fun and cute.
 
In addition to the text, your book includes beautiful watercolor illustrations. What was the process of working with an illustrator like?
Jim Tweedy is such a talented illustrator/artist. I had bought some of Jim Tweedy’s work before and knew he was the artist I wanted to represent the idea. He understood the concept and I gave him free reign to draw what he saw. It was magical when he sent me a drawing based on a story I provided. I'm told from other authors it's not usually that seamless.
He and I were always on the same page.
 
How do you think reading your book will impact people?
My hope is that it has the same impact on readers as it has had on me in my relationships. It has allowed me to take a very quick inventory when I meet someone, and I can channel my inner cat if the situation demands. If it's a dog I meet, I can be my doggy self. It's really pretty simple and not intended to cause any angst.

Like any personality test (hard core scientific versus light-hearted), most people are a combination of traits. That's what makes people so interesting. However, if the individual is hard wired more one way than the other (cat vs. dog), it then becomes helpful in communicating.
 
What do you have in mind for your next writing project?
I believe that the people that love dog/cat will let me know what would help them the most. I've had people mention using dog/cat as a human resource training module. Also, there have been suggestions of utilizing the dog/cat concepts specifically for children. I've had therapists use the book in family discussions as a way to role-play. The idea has so many legs (8 at least) so I'm open to the next chapter.
 
Is there anything else you'd like potential readers to know about your book?
The next time that they have a party, get together, dinner, shower, etc., play the dog/cat game. It is so much fun to break the ice for those that don't know each other. For those that do, let everyone else vote and see where it goes. It's a blast! Go to the website and take the quiz. There are only 5 questions that will help you determine whether you are more a “cat” or a “dog,” and it will open up conversation for hours.

More Information
Visit the book website 
Buy the book on Amazon

T.C. Ricks, Author of Grenademan vs the Zombies

Today we are interviewing T.C. Ricks, author of the urban fantasy novel "Grenademan vs the Zombies."

Tell us a bit about yourself.
I have a very varied background.  I started out getting an English degree but when I got back from Venezuela, thought I'd go into science.  That was...very hard, but I eventually go my bachelor's...in Microbiology, somehow and then proceeded to try and get my Masters. Didn't happen but I've been keeping the lights on since then as a  Project Manager/Business Analyst.  But the writing is where my passion is.  I started taking it seriously about 15 years ago, and started work on my first novel.  Then I eventually moved to this one and have done two since.  I enjoy a lot of things, including table top gaming, reading, writing, poetry, science, and exploration. My wife and I travel quite a bit and just recently moved from Charlotte, NC to Miami, Florida.

Describe the plot of “Grenademan vs the Zombies” in a few sentences.
It's really more a story about hubris and the smack gaming groups talk to each other about all the time, and what would happen if one of the more insane people in some groups could take it to the extreme they'd like to prove a point.  Grenademan and the Zombies are really forces around that, though it is a story of good vs evil.

Who do you think would most appreciate this book?
People who like both Super Heroes, Humor and Zombies.

What inspired you to write a novel about zombie apocalypse that is set in motion by a bet?
A bet.  My step father has a writer that he likes a lot that had close links to a publisher a few years back who put out an open call for Zombie stories.  My step dad wanted me to enter it, and while  I had a script for Grenademan, there weren't zombies in it.  Skip pitched the title to me, and I agreed to do it if he'd proof it.  He did, and at that point it kind of wrote itself.

Tell us a bit about the protagonist, Grenademan.
Grenademan is...unique.  He is insane, but more sane than you might think.  He's very smart, but his true power comes in that thumb tack on his helmet that looks ridiculous.  It's forged from the Golden Helmet of Mambrino, which only the mad can wear and wield.

Zombie fans will be delighted to learn there are a variety of different kinds of zombies in this novel. Can you tell us about the different kinds? Do you have a favorite?
There are seven different kinds.  I will save some as a surprise but my favorite are Snark Zombies, which are really a mental construct; an analogy to those people who wander through life on auto pilot.  Purists will love the actually dead dead zombies who are...you know.  Dead.  There are also blood zombies akin to the zombies of 28 Days Later.

There’s a fair amount of humor in this book. Has humor always been part of your writing? Or is it something that developed as your writing progressed?
I have always had a fair degree of humor in my writing but my first novel also took itself 'very seriously' and such.  The second novel had dark humor in it is as well but the characters in it are all assholes.  I'm not sure if either of them is salvageable to be honest.

Who was your favorite character to write?
Grenademan is, of course, my Mickey Mouse.  He's definitely my Hermione or Harry Dresden...my alter ego.  He is the most FUN to write, though to be honest? I think my favorite to write at this point might just be Ghost from Forever West.

Are there any authors who have influenced your writing style?
Terry Pratchet, Jim Butcher, Elizabeth Moon, Roger Zelazny, George R R Martin.

Tell us about your creative process, from initial idea to published manuscript.
Sure.  I start out by producing utter unreadable crap and getting friends and family members to have their eyes bleed, then rewrite many times, then get an editor, then rework it a lot more times, then proof it.  Though....was that what you meant?

Is there any aspect of writing you don't like?
In a novel the part between the beginning and the middle sucks.  A lot.

Outside of writing, you have a podcast, Tossing Grenades at Windmills. Can you tell us a bit about that?
Absolutely, I set it up to have SOME kind of an audience for my writing.  I read the fourth novel on it, and we've got some from this one.  I also have some short stories and poetry.  There were sound problems but we're fixing those.  Just got a new bumper which is really neat.

What do you have in mind for your next project?
The next literal project is a chapbook with my poetry as Emmit Other called Spiders in the Sugar Factory.  My fifth novel, “Forever West” is being proofed right now and will likely come out late this year or Early next year.

Is there anything else you'd like potential readers to know about your book?
Yes. I firmly deny that if you read it, it will give you super powers. It will not.  And please ask others to stop spreading rumors that it does.

"Grenademan vs the Zombies" book blurb:

Order and Chaos have fought their little chess matches on world after world, often coming to draw. so when Order found a new, and powerful champion in a n insane superhero, Chaos had to step up his game. And he found it in an ambitious would be sorcerer called Jarvi who had bet his gaming group t hat they could not survive the Zombie Apocalypse and really MEANT it. now Jarvi would start an apocalypse just to prove them wrong.

And somehow, Grenademan had to stop it. While the Circle of Gamers regard him a insane, the government trying to kill him and his own sanity quite questionable, Grenademan has to keep four people alive while seven different kinds of zombies are trying to ill them.

More Information
Buy "Grenademan vs the Zombies" on Smashwords
The Tossing Grenades at Windmills podcast
Buy "Grenademan vs the Zombies" on Amazon
Check out the Tossing Grenades at Windmills podcast on Stitcher

David Wardrop, Author of Long Walk Home

Book cover for "Long Walk Home"

Today we are interviewing David Wardrop about his speculative fiction novel "Long Walk Home."

Tell us a bit about yourself.
I am thirty and live in Glasgow, Scotland. Consider myself an active citizen scientist and spent a lot of time doing volunteer work with various groups and organizations.

Describe the plot of your new book in a few sentences.
It is the end of the world (of sorts) the planet has run out of petroleum and while things are going crazy the main character decides to journey from the city to his parents house, hence the title Long Walk Home. 

Who do you think would most appreciate this book?
I think teens and young adults mostly.

What inspired you to write a novel about a guy who decides to take a long walk to his parents’ house during the apocalypse?
Think right from the start I knew I wanted this novel to be light hearted and also it looks at how the end of the world is not the end of the world and that things still go on amidst massive upheaval and change. 

Are there any authors who have influenced your writing style?
Not influencing but probably responsible for me being a writer is Philip K. Dick. This writer was my introduction to science fiction and I have read the majority of his works, a truly incredible mind the author of Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? Man in the High Castle Ubik and Valis to name a few.

Author David Wardrop

How do you feel about the increasing popularity of ebooks?
Ebooks are a good chance for debut writers to make their work available. It really is printing for the masses, essentially writing by the people for the people.

Is there any aspect of writing you don't like?
Time restraints, be it the outside world, or time spent reading other works.

Have you ever had writer's block? If yes, how'd you deal with it? If you have not had writer's block, why do you think you haven't?
It is not writers block as such but a lack of focus. It is hard to sit down and write and write and write.

Do you write with a computer, typewriter, or pen and paper? Why do you use this tool?
I have a notepad and use it for taking notes like a list of characters or a more detailed plot outline but all the novel and short story writing is done on computer.

What do you have in mind for your next project?
A number of things, the one I like the most is the UK under a dictatorship but the twist is it would be a Green Party dictatorship with the environment put first.

Is there anything else you'd like potential readers to know about your book?
The main purpose of the novel is to make people look on the lighter side of things.
 
An excerpt from "Long Walk Home":

She said, “It is the end of days.” And then she started crying. It was so weird to see the boss cry but what was even weirder than that was when she jumped out the window seconds later.

I stood there a couple of minutes, maybe five I don’t know, before I fully registered what had happened. 

One minute she was standing there saying it was the end of days, whatever the chocolate fudge that meant, the next she dived out the window.

Another thing that was weird was that she could actually lift her feet off the ground in order to leap out the window.

My boss, Mrs Danton, is, was, a pretty heavy set woman but she leaped out the window like a gold medallist athlete.

More Information
Visit the "Long Walk Home" Lulu page
Find "Long Walk Home" on Smashwords
Check out David Wardrop's other work, "After"

Thorkin Nailsson, Author of The Kuk of Valhalla

Today we are interviewing Thorkin Nailsson, author of the satire/parody book "The Kuk of Valhalla | The Autobiographical Sagas of Norway’s Legendary Porn Star, Thorkin Nailsson."

Tell us a bit about yourself.
Thorkin Nailsson is the pen name of Craig H. Hellekson. I write under both names depending on the subject matter. When I’m not writing, I’m reading & as of late, combing through my cat’s plush fur for ticks.

Describe the plot of "The Kuk of Valhalla" in a few sentences.
An absolutely fictional account of young Thorkin Nailsson’s youth in the small – and criminally bizarre – Norwegian Village of Gørpeland. During this time in young Thorkin’s life, he struggled with uncommon feelings for his Mor (mother), who worked primarily as the village prostitute. He also struggled with addictions to pornographic magazines and psychedelic mushrooms.

Who do you think would most appreciate this book?
Readers who enjoy the absurd and don’t take offense too easily…I can’t stress that last part enough. IF that’s you…I’m certain that you’ll be entertained by this relatively short tale.

What inspired you to write a spoof of classic Icelandic/Scandinavian historical sagas?
My idea was to create a pen name to write more racy material. Out of this, I thought it might be fun to create a whole, fully-realized Thorkin Nailsson persona of an old washed up Norwegian Porn Star. In the classic sagas, there are tales of bravery, love, war, and struggle…I wanted to incorporate those themes and style into something absolutely twisted.

Tell us a bit about the protagonist, Thorkin Nailsson.
Young Thorkin discovers very early that he is an enthusiastic, budding sex-addict, a moron, and a visionary of questionable morality. Without a real father figure around and mother who is selfish, generally drunk, and the village whore, he is left to raise himself. This leads to a huge amount of internal conflict resulting in a conclusion that most typical readers will find a bit revolting and hilarious…it’s those readers that I’m after.

Author Thorkin Nailsson

Humor is obviously a major part of this book. Has humor always been important to you or is it something that you’ve only recently started exploring?
No matter my intention at the outset of a story, my writing always seems to drift toward humor and the absurd. I believe most writers will tell you that the genre chooses you, you don’t chose it. You naturally end up writing what you’re good at. My personal goal is not to recycle the same themes over and over…to be fresh and original…that’s my biggest challenge.

Are there any authors who have influenced your writing style?
In my opinion, no single writer creates a character better than Stephen King, he’s a true master. Making people you care about – that you’re invested in – and that you will follow, no matter what sick thing they may do…to me, that makes for the most compelling read. I don’t write like he does (nobody does), but that’s the lesson I try to remember when I’m creating people in the page…make them real…make your readers care. The one writer I try to ape as much as possible is Douglas Adams. I am failing at it. I love every word he wrote.

How do you feel about the increasing popularity of ebooks?
I like choices…be it food, music, cars, I like a selection… With the growth of ebooks, I now have many more reading options, not just a selection of what the publishers are willing to distribute, but what the many talented writers who don’t have publishing deal are creating…and let me say, that I’ve read some outstanding books from part-time authors. With that, I think we all have a duty to ensure the best product goes forth and not malign the shaky reputation that self-published writers already face.

Is there any aspect of writing you don't like?
Proofreading. I used to edit my own stuff – huge mistake - I now hire a pro to help me get it right.

Have you ever had writer's block? If yes, how'd you deal with it? If you have not had writer's block, why do you think you haven't?
Of course. I think anyone who writes frequently (daily for me) gets blocked up occasionally. For me, the better rested (i.e., not hung over) I am, the more creative I am…it’s bonkers if I try to write still shedding the bad decisions of the previous night…best to just pack it in. If the creativity isn’t there…there’s always editing to do…social media to water…and book promotion endeavors to attend to. I keep busy.

Do you write with a computer, typewriter, or pen and paper? Why do you use this tool?
Nothing quaint or romantic…just my trusty laptop, which is always with me.

Do you plan to write more books featuring Thorkin Nailsson?
My goal was to write 4 or so fictional autobiographical sagas on his life leading from Gørpeland to his eventual exile from Norway and into obscurity. Hopefully, "The Kuk of Valhalla" will be well-received and will spur my desire to become Thorkin sooner rather than later. Thus far, the feedback has been encouraging. As for the Thorkin Nailsson pen name…absolutely! Already working a new one!

Is there anything else you'd like potential readers to know about your book?
Sure, to you readers with a twisted sense of humor who enjoy a journey into the strange, I encourage you to check out "The Kuk of Valhalla." If not for anything, just to say that you’ve read the first “MockUSaga,” or “SagaSploitation,” book ever written…a genre that “Thorkin” & I created.

An excerpt from "The Kuk of Valhalla": 

"The story of one’s life usually begins in earnest with a tale of fallow fields, closely followed by starvation, misery and a pathetic mud-streaked baby clinging to life grappling for milk from a dry teat. Mine will start essentially the same, with a squirting red, mewling, shitting, and puking little bundle of Thorkin-joy. An infant that in another time would have been drowned or scarified at the Temple of Uppsala and served on a bed of lettuce – or some leafy vegetable other than Kale – to Odin. To my Mor, I write these opening words for you. Your bastard son, who you left hanging naked at the end of a rope on the weakest limb of the Yggdrasil tree. Equally as repressed as the strange fruit hanging from Billy Holiday’s woeful tree. How I managed to fall and rot into the ground as a Hellek’smyth only to rise and make quality Adult Entertainment is a saga worth telling."

More Information
http://craighellekson.com/the-kuk-of-valhalla

Sir Winston Rutherford Yates, Author of The Haunting Of Debishire Manor‭

Today we are interviewing Sir Winston Rutherford Yates, author of The Haunting Of Debishire Manor, a murder, mystery story with a supernatural theme.

Book Blurb
Everyone is suspect after Sloan found his way home one dark and stormy night, for his grandfathers ninetieth birthday, only to find that he had been murdered by somebody in the manor. His death brings about a series of hauntings exposing deep dark family secrets, and leading Sloan into a love triangle between the woman he loves, and the woman that loves him. A strange caretaker, a massive treasure, a supernatural struggle between good and evil, and the discovery that someone is buried alive in the family graveyard, all add up to a story full of humor, suspense, and terror. This book will take you on a series of turns and twists, while the surprise ending will send chills up and down your spine. Read this book at your own risk, but hurry, for with every second you take, someone is gasping for air beneath a tombstone in the family plot, of Debishire Manor.

Tell us a bit about yourself.
I was born in a comparatively small setting along with an older sister and a younger brother.‭ My‬ father passed at an early age while my mother passed later in life.

I was adopted twice,‭ ‬once by a near relative,‭ ‬who passed a year later,‭ a‬nd the second time by Lady Yates of Monte Vista.

Growing up we never had as much as the other kids about the shire,‭ ‬but we did have adventure to keep us busy.‭ ‬And busy we were‭!

I wrote this book in the midst of my many adventures, one of which caused me a severe chest wound when during the rescue of two children,‭ ‬an undetermined beast subdued me and attempted to cut out my heart with its razor sharp teeth.‭

During my recovery I was to be Knighted on September‭ ‬30th,‭ ‬in the year of our Lord‭ ‬2005,‭ ‬therewith the title,‭ ‬Sir Winston Rutherford Yates‭ ‬.

Describe‭ ‬The Haunting of Debishire Manor‭‬ in a few sentences.
It is a story about a dysfunctional family living in a manor high atop a hill, that get caught up in the murder of their grandfather. His death brought about a series of haunts and uncovers a family secret that could destroy them all.

Who do you think would most appreciate‭ this book?
I think it would be appreciated by young to middle aged readers.

What inspired you to write a story about a manor with a mysterious,‭ ‬murderous history‭?
‭ I grew up in a haunted house and wanted to tell a little about what I went through in a way that would interest the reader.

Who was your favorite character to write in‭ ‬The Haunting of Derbishire Manor‭?
Sloan was the character that most suited myself and I put myself into him more, but Nicole was hands down my most favorite character to bring to life.

Can you tell us a bit about the creative process for‭ ‬The Haunting of Debishare Manor,‭‬ from the initial idea to the finished book‭?
Each book I feel it is important to have an idea where I want to go with my story, but as I create my characters, they take on a life of their own and sometimes that life guides where the story goes. The love relationship of Sloan and Nicole, was one of those such cases. I had not intended for this to have happened, and suddenly, their it was, and they fell in love.

In addition to writing fiction,‭ ‬you also write non-fiction.‭ ‬Can you tell us a bit about your non-fiction works‭?
‭ One of my non-fiction books is titled, How to get out of debt, the Christian experience, this book is my personal experience with how God brought me out from under a hundred and fifty-thousand dollars of debt in a very short time, and brought me to being totally debt free for the first time in my life.

Do you have a different process for writing‭ ‬non-fiction compared to writing fiction‭?
‭Non-fiction is so much easier to write, especially if it is about something you have lived through, and it takes less creative energy. I don’t really get into non-fiction as deep as fiction, when I write, it’s a totally different animal.

How long have you been writing‭?
‭I have been writing for about twenty-five years or so.

How do you think you've evolved as a writer since when you first started‭?
‭I think I’ve learned to give my characters stronger personalities, and to add more detail to my characters world.
 
Are there any authors who have influenced your writing style‭?
‭Thus far, Steven King has had the most influence upon my writing,

What are your goals as a writer for the next ten years‭?
‭ I have several more projects for the future and I hope to see one of my books translated into a major motion picture someday.

Writing can be a difficult,‭ ‬time-consuming pursuit.‭ ‬What motivates you write so prolifically‭?
‭I’m not sure, but sometimes I think you just have to express yourself, and this is my way of doing that. Besides, it’s a real joy.

What do you have in mind for your next project‭?
‭I am trying to get my children’s books into print, and maybe finish up the series.

Is there anything else you'd like potential readers to know about your book‭?
‭Yes, I think you can write a perfectly good story without the use of profanity, so I do, and I hope you will enjoy my books. Thank you.

Sir Winston Rutherford Yates Bibliography
The Haunting Of Debishire Manor
The Men and Machines Of World War II
Don't be afraid of the dark
How To Get Out Of Debt: The Christian Experience
Helpful Tips On How To Write

Dan Alatorre, Author of Savvy Stories

Today we are interviewing Dan Alatorre, author of "Savvy Stories: Funny Things I Learned From My Daughter."

Tell us a bit about yourself.
I’m a Best-Selling author and humorist; my brother points out that a humorist is a writer who’s not funny enough to call themselves a comedian. Gotta love family. I turned my sights on fatherhood in “Savvy Stories,” and the results were hilarious. I was just a normal guy until I became a first-time dad at the age of 47 - when most of my friends were becoming grandparents or sending their kids off to college! Some will argue that I was never a normal guy, but nobody will argue that the addition of a bouncing baby girl changed my life. My comedic debut book "Savvy Stories" tells humorous tales about a loving dad who sees the magic in children, and isn't a bumbling stooge about changing diapers like some TV sitcom. I followed up the success of "Savvy Stories" with the even better sequel "The TERRIBLE Two's," and my inspirational book "The Long Cutie," which deals with life affirming stories about people with a rare heart condition.

I also write short stories about parenting and family humor that appeal to everyone. My unique and hilarious short stories include “The Short Years,” “Night of The Colonoscopy,” and “A Quick Trip To BuyMart.” 

My success has been widespread and varied. I became a bestselling author (it was a slow sales week at Amazon) and I have achieved President’s Circle with two different Fortune 500 companies (can you believe that?). But I have always been a writer.

I wrote cartoons as a kid, created a newspaper at my grade school, was co-editor of my high school newspaper… I had a desire to tell unique stories in an amusing way. I’m glad my smart aleck sense of humor has found a productive outlet. I’m sure my sarcastic mouth could have just as easily gotten me killed and buried in a shallow grave.

Currently in the works are “FOURthcoming,” the conclusion to the Savvy Stories series, “Chase Me Until I Catch You,” a nonfiction romance short story, and “The Adventures Of Pinchy Pinchy Crab And Ramon D’Escargot,” a children’s novel, and others.

I live in the Tampa area with their dog and cat, and an occasional armadillo (“but we’re working on evicting the @#$% armadillo!”)

Describe your book in a few sentences.
“Savvy Stories” is a heartwarming comedy about a 47 year old man who discovers that he is about to become a father for the first time, and after getting over the shock of having a baby in the house, learns to see life through the eyes of a child. He comes to appreciate and enjoy the many hilarious things that all kids say and do, and creates a lifelong daddy-daughter bond that every parent can appreciate, and that every dad of a daughter should strive for. After all, men were little boys once; we know that territory. Having a little girl is uncharted water. We feel sure we’ll screw her up.

Who do you think would appreciate your book?
I’m surprised anybody does. Oops, did I say that out loud? I meant to say everybody does! This is a book that men and women both enjoy. The parents in the story are real, not idealized; they do real things like shop at Publix and Target, and they do a lot of stuff that we can all look back on and laugh about. Like when the kid discovers a Sharpie marker and writes all over the cabinets. Most of us have kids or were kids once, so we know there is a lot to laugh about. Women have said they appreciated the viewpoint about babies from a dad, and men have said the book was like I was writing about them. Pretty much everybody agrees it’s funny, even people who haven’t had kids. And more than a few have given it as a baby shower gift. When’s this interview coming out? It makes a great Mother’s Day gift, too! And Father’s Day!

Was there an epiphany that revealed you had to write a book about your fatherhood experience? Or did you gradually come around to the idea of writing your book?
There were two.
First, that kids are flat-out freaking hilarious if you are paying attention. Not just my kid, but every kid. A hundred times a day there are amazing moments that come and go so fast - and we’re too busy to take note or to remember it later. I just happened to write some of it down.

Second, they grow up fast. I was 47 when Savvy came along. We had infertility problems so we were especially appreciative to be having a baby at all, but also because I was older I had a different vantage point than most dads at age 22 or 25. My father and my brothers came to me and said, “We missed it, we were working. Take time to savor every moment because if you blink twice you’ll be walking her down the aisle.” Strangers would come up to us in grocery store after a particularly grueling night – I’m sure our weary expressions said it all - and they would tell us, “Enjoy these moments, even the difficult ones.” It sunk in. So I knew that it all happens fast. It doesn’t seem like it when you’re up at 3am feeding a cranky kid who won’t go back to sleep.

But we made that our time. We found ways to make it fun and special, and to realize that one day she’d be off to college and I’d wish I could have another moment with her like this, just me and her, at 3am playing a game of peek a boo. On that day, I’d wish I had this day back. So I learned to love those times. I could never have figured that out when I was twenty five.

As I posted about this stuff on Facebook, friends were constantly telling me it was hilarious and that I should write a book. I resisted, but at some point you have to trust the people in your life who have your best interests at heart. So I wrote a book - and it became a bestseller.

How do you think the perspective of fatherhood that you share in your book is different from other portrayals in the media?
Most dads on TV are bumbling stooges. Mine wasn’t; was yours? Still, it’s rare to see a man step up and say “I can be a great father and learn about gymnastics with my daughter and take her to dance lessons because I love her.” I can make time to blow bubbles on the back porch. It doesn’t cause your man card to be revoked. 

Also, in the book you see some very real, very personal moments. The first week of Savvy’s life was the longest week of ours. We spent five days in the NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit) worrying that our newborn daughter might die. It was touch and go for a while, and it was extremely difficult to write about. Chapter two gets a lot of people crying. But because we put that honesty out there, readers said “Okay, I can trust this guy.” Then they were better able to laugh with us, too.

Do you think your experience of being a father is different, having had your first child at 47, than it would have been if you’d had your first child at a younger age?
There is no doubt. I have a nephew whose son is a year older than my daughter. Our worlds are just so completely different. He’s a good guy and a good dad, but it’s a different perspective from what I’m looking at now that I’m fifty. And it should be. He’s building a career, I’m 20+ years into mine and established. He and his friends still party and go out to bars. My wife and I have friends over to the house and are lucky to stay up past 11pm. Okay 10:30.

Humor is a large part of your book. Has humor always been a part of your life or did it develop as you got older?
I came from a large family – seven kids – and I was next to youngest. So to get noticed, you had to stand out a little. Growing up, I had a sibling who was an athlete, another who was a scholar, another who was a musician; I was the smart aleck, and it got positive attention if it was funny. So I always appreciated that and did a lot to get that recognition, even at school. I wasn’t a class clown, because my parents were very strict and because nuns in general have no sense of humor. I mean zero, zip, nada. I wasted some of my best stuff on those old hags! Look at these knuckles - those are ruler marks, and they’re still visible all these years later. But I could usually get out of trouble at home if I could get my mom laughing. That’s a huge ace up your sleeve as a kid.

How would you describe your writing style? Are there any authors who have influenced your writing style?
I have what I’d call a lazy writing style. (My author friends would say there’s nothing lazy about me, that I’ll bang out 3000 words in a day or write 110,000 words over seven weeks, but that’s different.) I write most of my stores the way people talk, complete with an occasional run-on sentences and stuff that seems to go around in a few circles before making its point. In a comedy, you can do that. Readers get it, that’s part of the joke, the way Mark Twain used to ramble on, or Bill Cosby in his old LP recordings. There’s some deeper satisfaction to not requiring a joke every 90 seconds like a sitcom and just letting a laugh build – and I have no grudge against sitcoms; done well, they’re great entertainment. In my dramatic stories, my style is very different; it’s tighter, but my characters still talk the way normal people talk. They argue, they are sarcastic with each other, they joke around. I usually end up with one outrageous minor character in each book that people just rave about. We all have that one friend who says and does things that are a riot. A character like that is the salt in the soup: you want just enough to bring everything to life.

What do you have in mind for your next project?
If you get a writer to be honest – and that’s hard to do because they are shy, sneaky types – but under cross examination they’ll admit they’re like the kid who wants to be a firefighter and a police officer and an astronaut. Writers have a dozen ideas they’re working on. I have the final book in the Savvy Stories series written, called “FOURTHcoming;” a sci-fi thriller “The Navigators,” and a paranormal mystery “An Angel On Her Shoulder.” Those are finished, they’re just being edited and maybe need a few final tweaks. I have Dr. Seuss-like kid’s book written called “Stinky Toe” and we are looking at illustrators for that.

In process I have a romantic comedy called “Poggibonsi” about a man who has a midlife crisis while on a business trip to Italy - and it’s a scream. Some of my funniest characters are in that story. It’ll be finished in about two months, maybe less. Upcoming we have “The Water Castle,” a fantasy about a young lady who discovers a portal that takes her back in time; there is a sequel to “The Navigators,” a mystery thriller called “The Kill Club,” a romance called “Chase Me Until I Catch You,” and maybe most importantly, a book series for authors that shows how to market a book. Those are all in various stages of being written. Like I said, a firefighter and a police officer and an astronaut… It’s a sickness.

Is there anything else you'd like potential readers to know about your book?
I’d like writers to know that my first bestseller was a cookbook, so remember to be open to trying new things. From that experience I learned things about marketing a book that benefitted me greatly and, combined with my sales management experience with Fortune 500 companies, I was able to launch a string of bestsellers. (My marketing book will show new authors some of the things they need to do to be successful.) I’m proud to say I’ve helped several authors take their books from ideas to reality. One friend released her book in February and has already sold over 2000 copies and has 30+ positive reviews. It’s a great book, and I played a small role in helping it get to many people who have enjoyed it and who are now fans. 

I’d like readers to know that I’ve been very fortunate to have been able to share my stories with so many people around the world who have enjoyed them. One friend says that if you read a few paragraphs of Dan’s work, you’ll read the whole book. I write stories that anyone can enjoy, and I like hearing from fans. It is deeply moving to read a letter from Spain or somewhere that says they read my book and fell in love with my daughter. Or that a book I wrote changed their life. It is amazing to be on the receiving end of that, and I will work hard to continue to earn it each and every day.  
An excerpt from "Savvy Stories":

The other family sees me piling the prepared meals into my cart, and has obviously noticed that I’m getting food that’s below my kid’s eating age. That is, I’m buying stuff for a 9 month old – mostly pureed – instead of the stuff with big chunks.  

“Excuse me,” asks the woman, her man behind her and the kid in the shopping cart. “Can I ask you a question?”  

“Sure,” I reply, smiling. Usually I would have ignored them because I’m not there to make friends or defend my purchase selections – which I agree is rude and unsocial; but I have experienced the Publix Meltdown twice by now and I need to be able to buy groceries somewhere. I can’t afford to scratch Target off my list, too.  

But for some reason, I am feeling friendly and confident today, so I turn to engage these nice folks in conversation.  

“Well,” she begins, “I notice you are buying foods for a child younger than this one…” She gestures to Savvy, who is enjoying playing with the stuff I’ve thrown in the cart. “May I ask you why?”  

She was about as polite as a person could be while questioning your nutritional decisions for your kid, but what she was really doing was asking why I’m buying stuff that’s mostly pureed for a kid who has teeth.  

“Yeah, I’m getting these partly because I’m lazy and partly because she likes them… she can eat them quickly and easily without spitting up; unlike the chunkier stuff, but…”  

Here comes the payoff.  

“She’s getting all the right nutrients and I figure it’s not going to affect what college she goes to.”  

BOOM  

The dad is doing an end zone dance behind his wife, smiling from ear to ear; the mom is displaying a look of passive acceptance. I suppose this is what they had been discussing – arguing, for those who’ve been married a while – and he agreed with me, which made it 2 to 1, and since she was outnumbered, she agreed to get the stuff that their kid could actually eat.

More Information
Buy the book on Amazon
Visit Dan Alatorre's Author Page

A. J. Causeway, Author of The Last Toke

Today we are interviewing A. J. Causeway, author of the satire/black humor novel The Last Toke. 

Tell us a bit about yourself.
Hello, I'm A.J. Causeway, some people would call me an old fool, some would just call me fool but others who dont know me would say i'm the Author of The Last Toke. I've lived in a few places and i plan to live in a few more, i worked as a hand model for 5 years but now i have arthritis and no-one is hiring no more.

Describe the plot of your new book in a few sentences. Well this book tells the tale of Charco and Doc, a pair of small time crooks that work for the local crime boss named the Rabbi. We follow them through a week of their lives as they journey around the city in search of revenge, redemption and some good times. As in any good Road Movie the audience is introduced to a wide variety of characters that might or might not be integral to the story.

Who do you think would most appreciate this book?
The clinically depressed, the bored, the homeless. Haha i dunno, i guess anyone with a twisted sense of humor. There is a lot of samey  samey old books out there now, so anyone who wants something new to read and enjoys a multimedia experience should give it a try.

What inspired you to write a book about two crooks who discover that their search for the American Dream eventually turns into their nightmare?
I guess you have to write what you know and it seems these are the things i know,  i've seen the world lose itself, catch back up with itself only to lose  the run of itself again. I've lived their lives and survived, many others i knew have not. A lot of people buy into the idea that the future is theirs, whatever they dream of they can achieve it but lemme tell you something that aint nuthing but fiction, most people well the people i know anyway they aint never get what they want no matter how hard they work. And if you are like the two main characters in this book and take what you want when you want it with very little hard work, it seems you still wont be happy, so what's it all about? What's the point of it all.

Who was your favorite character to write?
Without a doubt Charco (Vernon Tackett) was my favourite character to write as i suppose one could say that he is me and i am him. Charco plays the main autobiographical role in this story and along with the narrator they give a shared insight into my voice.

You’ve had quite an eclectic life, from working as a fisherman to being a musician to serving in two wars. Do you think this array of experiences influences your writing?
Certainly, some of the people you meet in life can have a huge impact on your mental wellbeing, be it a healthy friendship or a malignant relationship. You definitely meet some strange ones on the road or overseas in a military uniform. All the characters that appear in my book will have some trace of real people and real situations that i found myself in down through the years.

Your book is meant to be a multimedia experience, with a suggested soundtrack for each chapter. How did you pick each soundtrack?
Well it was a long boring process of listening to and enjoying a lot of good music, a filthy job but someone had to do it...Seriously though the music is an important aspect to the reading experience as it helps create the mood and setting of each chapter. All the songs chosen had to all be from the time the story was set as to give a genuine feel of the era.

Can you tell us about your writing process, from idea to finished manuscript?
I seem to work backwards most of the time, i will get an idea for an ending and work my way back from there. For this book i knew i wanted the ending and the beginning to feature a television set, just like when you are in your livingroom you switch the T.V on for some entertainment and sit back and relax and when your done with it you get up and switch it off. The opening scene of the book is a T.V set being switched on and the last scene is one being switched off. Everything else is just filler.

The Last Toke is the first book in a planned trilogy. Without giving too much away, can you tell us what to expect for the next two books?
Sure, well its really a loose Movie Satire trilogy at best, this first book takes apart the Great American Road Movie while the second book will spoof the Big Budget Disaster Movie and will Feature Zombies, Aliens, End of the World Prophecies and all those other ways for the planet to end and the Third and final book will be some kinda Drama/Romance send up.

Is there anything else you'd like potential readers to know about your book?
Yes, it is available with all 40 illustrations, (Provided by Darren Murphy) and it is also available without the illustrations for a much lower price. You can find some of the illustrations on Facebook and Twitter under my name A.J. Causeway.

An excerpt from Chapter Twelve, Cycloptic Meltdown:

(Mango Walk- The In Crowd)

9:33pm Wednesday

Gently rolling down night terrors coast highway, ignoring the carrion, the undead hitch-hikers and the rotten fruit vendors, inhaling the saline rich air seeping from the salt lakes and briny pools where crippled Crabs await their turn to bleach their hair and carapaces, where desolate wooden limbs of ancient Spanish Galleons act as a deterrent warning you against treading too close, or trudging in for poisoned clams, where hungry Herons flap in the wake of some angry wave, disappearing over dips in the mutilated landscape. Hammering through Santa Morita Blvd, up into West Greenwood, towards the lavish home of the one-eyed Rabbi, that is where one unmistakable Wako Shark Corvette was now driving. Burning rubber and taking corners round basalt cliffs that Arthropods once signed their names stating that, “TRILL O’BYTE WAS ERE” like primitive graffiti in some primordial blood feud, a shrine to what was and what has been. Millennia may have passed and nations, races and creeds have come and gone all smashed upon these rocks but the purest essential essence of men once strived to build roads, beautiful big eight lane roads of asphalt that ran over the ghosts of Indians who when alive ran Buffalo off cliffs in the hundreds. Men built these roads so he knew where he was coming from not where he was going......All roads now not only lead to Rome but they also lead to destiny. Destiny 135 Maple Tree Drive... The Rabbi’s hellish abode.

More Information
Buy the book on Amazon
Find the author on Facebook

Richard Titus, Author of The Gift of Quoxxel

Today we are interviewing Richard Titus about his YA fantasy novel The Gift of Quoxxel.

Tell us a bit about yourself.
Your “basic, garden variety, introverted arts nerd” about sums it up.  My mother recalls that I was “always making something.”  With my dad’s tutelage, that included, among other things, assorted models (both wood and plastic), a crystal radio set, an eleven-foot sailboat (we never quite finished) and anything we could cut out on the jigsaw and hammer together in Dad’s basement workshop.  On our own, my siblings and I were often sprawled on the floor, hard at work with paper, pencils and crayons.

My interests were always in visual arts, music and language.  The language interest was first put to use when I received Russian language training in the Air Force.  Having seldom been outside of the Midwest, a three year tour in West Berlin was an education in of itself.

After the Air Force, I studied at Massachusetts College of Art in Boston and worked a few years doing illustration and graphic design.  Fast forward a few years and I found myself in the lovely Garden State, close enough to experience Manhattan without having to be a full-time resident.

Language played a role in my life again about this time.  I met a Ukrainian couple who had, at that time, been in the States about two years.  We agreed to an “tutoring exchange” arrangement – they would help me learn more Russian and I would teach them English.  To give you the Reader’s Digest condensed version, I’ll just say that I met my wife Marina through this couple (who just happened to be her aunt and uncle).

There have been many extreme and convoluted happenings along the way but that is your basic freeze-dried, just add water condensed version of the art nerd from Michigan. 

Describe your new book in a few sentences.
King Norr of Nibb was not content.  He longed to know of the world beyond his tiny, island kingdom.  Why travel elsewhere, his people said. What place could possibly be more perfect than Nibb?

What frustrated Norr even more, outsiders never came to Nibb.  Foreign ships approached, hesitated, then sailed away.  Why was that?

And that wasn't the only mystery.

Who was the little girl who sang, but would not speak?

What kind of monster lurked in the bay?

Had Dr Hinkus been devoured by woolly drumbkins?

And most importantly, what’s for lunch?

Drearily perfect Nibb was about to turn upside down.  As King Norr often said, it's enough to give one "haddocks."

What inspired you to write this book?
This was the process of "writing a story backwards."  First, you start with an illustration and then write a story around it.

It all started with this painting -- The Return of the Quoxxel anticipated by the citizens of Nibb  --       a 16 x 20 inch oil painting on panel finished in 2005.

I had no idea of a story when I did this painting, yet, the image suggested it represented an event “somewhere."  Apparently, it was up to me to write about it. 

After much trial and error, I arrived at the end product -- The Gift of the Quoxxel.

Who was your favorite character to write?
They were equally fun but the most challenging had to be the pirate characters.  As they were based somewhat in historical reality, I researched The Golden Age of Pirates (approximately 1660-1730) for background details and jargon of the day.

What was the creative process like for you?
Trial and error.  That is, pursue one plot path, see where it leads.  Doggedly slogging through that jungle brings one finally to a rewarding end.

It says in your biography that you have written a lot of material, but never had it published. Do you intend to share this work in the future?
Most of what I have written is song lyrics for melodies I composed.

I read an interview with Judy Collins once where she expressed that song lyrics are not poetry.  This may be true for most pop music, but the approach I took was to write words that had their own value independent of music. 

That being said, I’m not highly trained in music theory, so I’m in the process of having a transcriber write the sheet music from recordings I provide her.  I hope to put all the songs into a collection if only to have a permanent record of them.

Is there an author that had a major influence on you while you were growing up?
I don’t recall any one author having a major influence on me.  It was adventure enough reading Mark Twain or the various books offered by our community “bookmobile.”  I recall the Hardy Boys and Tom Swift filling our home book shelves at one time.  There was always something interesting to read about the house.
   
What do you have in mind for your next project?
I’m sketching out another story set in Nibb.  Core characters will be back, new characters will show up.  Nibb, as it turns out, is a sort of Nexxus for weirdness.  And, as King Norr says, “If you like that sort of thing, then that’s the sort of thing you like.”

Is there anything else you'd like potential readers to know about your book?
I intend to add more illustrations and possibly some more music to “The Quoxxel” and the abilities of Kindle can be thanked for that.

I’m not sure how many people know that, once purchased, the Kindle book can be updated for free to receive a revised edition.  One need only contact customer service and request an “update” free of charge.  I’ll be posting on The Gift of the Quoxxel Facebook page when a revision is available at which time an owner of the book can call customer service and request the update.

With Kindle, we may have lost the homey, tactile quality of the paper book, but, we’ve gained other book qualities that were heretofore never imagined.

Book Excerpt
To read an excerpt of The Gift of Quoxxel, go to: http://www.richard-titus.com/GotQ-01.htm.

More Information
The Gift of Quoxxel Facebook page 
The author's website
The Gift of Quoxxel on Amazon 

Aaron Majewski, Co-Author of Bedmonsters Are Cool

Today we are interviewing Aaron Majewski, co-author of the young adult fantasy book Bedmonsters Are Cool.
 
Tell us a bit about yourself.
Well, I am the author of several self-published novels mostly of the humor or 'monster' variety; as well as screenplays, stageplays and short stories. I am from Winnipeg Manitoba, and I have a mild dislike of (otherwise known as hate) the ice and snow, so that um, well I get by somehow during the winters!

Describe the plot of your new book in a few sentences.
Basically a young lady rips a hole in time in space, unleashing her very own personal bedmonster on herself and her friends. Then she must come to terms with her heritage of witchcraft while working out how to stuff him back through that tear and close it up... all while definitely not falling in love with her best friend.

You know, classic coming of age stuff.

What made you decide to write a Young Adult fantasy novel?
I enjoy the genera, it gives me as an author the opportunity to explore ideas and situations which would only merit a passing mention in more 'mature' settings, and really is just fun to write.

Who do you think would most appreciate this book?
Anyone who likes their fantasy with a dash (or three) or humor, from teens to adults it has a little something for everyone.

What was it like writing with your co-author, Lorain O’Neil?
Lorain is a joy to work with, I think we complement each others strengths as writers (she loves to edit…as in slash and burn entire pages, and I hate editing)

She also pushes me to be a better writer; more in depth characterization, more on the nose dialog without being too ham fisted about it, just better polished work all around.

Who was your favorite character to write?
Oh Bedmonster, he or it as it were, was the perfect foil to the ‘strightman’ of Becca’s love interest.

What do you have in mind for your next project?
Lorain and I are working on a new fantasy novel, Terabithia, about a young woman's quest to find a mystical key which will put aright what has gone awry after the worlds of Fey and Humans collide.

Is there anything else you'd like potential readers to know about your book?
This book will absolutely positively without a doubt change your life in every single way!

Ok I am just kidding, sorry, but honestly it is just a good fun read. Sit down and spend the weekend with bedmonster’s antics, you will start your Monday with a smile on your face (and if not I don’t do refunds)

A Short Excerpt from Bedmonsters Are Cool, Chapter One:

He was hungry. He was very hungry. He was so HUNGRY.

The gnawing in his hunger-arm was a physical pain and had been for some time, he could no longer remember the last time he’d had a good meal, let alone been full.

The hunger drove him onward, made it impossible to be still. Loud rumbles from his eating-hands filled the air as he padded through the darkness of the Dust Bunny Caverns. The air was heavy and still and reeked of unwashed socks, moldy breadcrumbs (which his sub-species couldn’t digest), decomposing homework, and the acidic taint of Atomic Jazz.

Around him his sound-gathering arms detected the rustles of others of his kind, while his vibration-hairs detected the soft currents of the subworld’s power grid, the magical energy that filled his world and made the impossible probable. His seeing-hands could see nothing now though, because he was too hungry to manipulate light. Relentlessly he pushed on through the darkness on his walking-arms, searching, searching for anything that might sustain him for just a little longer.

His skin-shedder no longer believed in him or anything else that might come through a Door; he’d been unable to gather sustenance in that way for a very long time now and he was

reduced to trolling through the dregs of what drifted through Doors opened by others.

As he prowled through the caverns, BedMonster 1137465893 left his own kind behind, far behind, and moved into the unknown in his quest for food. This was a danger, for who knew what lurked within the darkness of the underworld? Who knew what prowled and stalked and waited for prey? But his kind were hunters, snatchers, and he knew no fear, being the greatest of his kind… okay, so no one else might have thought he was the greatest, but heck, what did they know?

BedMonster’s smelling-hands caught a whiff of something different, something that smelled like fear, and he was instantly alert. His prowling turned almost into a gallop as he climbed the cavern wall, running towards a small dark opening high above he wasn’t sure he was really even seeing. Reaching it, he entered into a low tunnel on his stalking-hands and began probing ahead with his snatching-arms outstretched, his long-corded muscles rippling, attesting to the power of his grip, the expert finality of his snatch.

He’d found something like a Gate into the Real, yet it was different. Too hungry to make his own light yet, he nevertheless saw ahead of him a golden glow emanating from a Gate-like disturbance of air. Gates did not normally glow... perhaps he should be worried about that he thought suspiciously.

Too late.

As he approached the Gate-thing, the golden glow suddenly turned dark red, a color that cried danger and the swirling pattern of disturbance became faster, faster, while the fear scent turned to one of triumph!

And then the light turned green.

*****

She’d friggin’ found it! Becca had exactly six and a half minutes left to get dressed, pack her book bag, get to the bus stop, but she’d found it. No way was she going to high school without her cell.

“Get your ass moving!” her father bellowed from downstairs.

Make-up had to be forgotten (damn), clothes (had she worn these yesterday?) thrown on in abandon, algebra book dispensed with (she’d share Carlie’s who’d hate that but toughola) and she flew. Passing her father pulling out of the driveway to take Normie to daycare and himself to work, she raced toward the bus stop.

She missed it.

Shoot, shoot, shoot, she fumed. Rebecca Ann Westin you are such an idiot! What do I do now?

She walked slowly back to the empty house, defeated, entering its silence, weighing alternatives. She could call her Dad (No!) or she could... just stay home? Who would know? That mattered? She caught a glance of herself in the hall mirror and thought no one’ll probably even notice.

She was not pretty she knew, too tall, too gangly, with way too curly boring brown hair that refused to do anything sensible. One consolation, she had gotten rid of those godawful braces last year. Her teeth were white and straight now and she was going to make darn sure they stayed that way. (She loved her dentist. She hated her dentist.) Good teeth or not though, even with her mother’s assurances that her blue eyes were striking (even when she wore her glasses) and she was going to be beautiful, it hadn’t happened in sixteen years and she had her doubts.

I can just spend the day at home she moped in resignation. Alone.

And then Becca heard a noise upstairs.

*****

This is stupid, this is STOO-PID, she chanted through gritted teeth as she pushed open her bedroom door. The room was a mess of course (she being a teenager, Mom being away, and Dad being, well, Dad) and anything could be hiding anywhere. She gripped her mother’s old golf club and slowly entered the room.

A soft rustling and quiet thumping came from under the bed, its unmade sheets dangling onto the floor obscuring her view underneath.

Oh crap, she cringed, some rabid, chittering, gibbering (or worse, salivating) thing is gonna shoot right outta there and go straight for my ankles. I should call someone, but... I’m skipping school, they’re not exactly gonna be sympathetic.

From as far away as she could manage, Becca thrust out the club and gingerly lifted the fabric.

Okay, breathe now... get down on one knee and just look.

Nothing was there unless you counted massive dust bunnies and small mounds of discarded pantyhose... oh, so that’s where those went.

And then... at the very back, against the wall, something stirred. A hiss, something uncoiling in the shadows.

“DON’T KILL ME!” Becca shrieked. The hiss and the movement ceased abruptly, leaving her unsure whether she had actually even heard them in the first place.

Then something moved, maybe even... glittered?

There’s definitely something there, she decided grimly, it’s suspended off the floor and it’s swaying in the breeze from the air vent. And you know there’s only one way you’re gonna find out what that something is. I am so dead, I am so dead, I am... stop that, you are a big girl.

Carefully, slowly, Becca slid the golf club toward the glimmering darkness. The club met a soft resistance.

GIANT FREAKIN’ COBWEBS! FROM GIANT FREAKIN’ SPIDERS!

Don’t be a moron.

Becca started swishing the club back and forth and found herself getting angry.

Oh show yourself you—

Instantaneously a sparkle of soft golden light appeared and whirled around Becca’s golf club. A sinewy arm shot out of the faintly glittering light, sporting a purplish-gray six-fingered hand that clamped down on the club and pulled. Becca screamed so loudly that her vocal cords nearly ripped, and as she was yanked under the bed the thought that ricocheted through her horror-struck brain was I’m gonna die FOR CUTTING SCHOOL?

Another followed dimly on its heels: Does this mean I can skip the lecture for not making my bed?

*****

The light enwrapped him, melding against his body like a coating of paint, which was not normal for any usual Gate, certainly nothing like a Door. It seeped along his hair coating his hands, his arms, grasping him firmly, carrying him along. BedMonster sensed fear, knew he approached prey, but that prey seemed oddly angered and confused as well. He couldn’t process what was happening to him. A vague shape appeared in the distance and BedMonster 1137465893 reached out to it, heard a scream, a scream that vibrated throughout the small world that was his Gate-like encompassment. He grasped that dark shape and pulled, felt it drag against the palm of one of his snatching-hands trying to get away, trying to leave him behind. He knew that would lead to his dissolution so immediately he twisted, slowly birthing into a small dark space.

The scream echoed around him and he reached out with all his senses, contacting the prey, bounding towards it eagerly. He was under a bed, his natural striking place, and he knew exactly what to do. He careened into the human, hands snaking around and grasping firmly, finding all those places he liked to strike, and scooped up great globules of his sustenance as the prey screamed and struggled beneath him. He had not fed this well in years.

But something was wrong. Something was very wrong.

It was Day, in the Real.

Bedmonsters didn’t do Day.

BedMonster whimpered and fled.

*****

The overlarge hand seemed vaguely gorilla-like, gray-tinged, with purple embedded deeply in the tissue, and six large fingers almost human but for their immense size and strength. The hand clamped onto the golf club and pulled. Becca’s head and shoulders were yanked under the bed as she screamed.

HELL NO I AM NOT GOING UNDER THERE NO WAY! Slamming back on the club with all her might, Becca experienced a weird tingle surge down the back of her spine, across her shoulders and into her arms. The sensation streamed across her hands leaving a faint trace of heat and a metallic taste in the back of her throat. Something seemed to undulate down her arm, jump to the golf club, travel its shaft and flow into the golden light under the bed. The light changed to green, an emerald color like deep ocean, not a safe, soft green, but a dark, scary green, and a part of Becca’s mind whispered green means go, green means open.

Pulling hard, Becca struggled backwards and managed to rock herself back onto her haunches. Without warning the golf club was released and Becca found herself launched, flying across the bedroom landing on her rump, hearing the ominous crunch of her cell phone in her jeans pocket. And then the thing was upon her.

It was a ravenous beast, all hands, hot moist breath, powerful arms, and fur, fur everywhere as it pressed itself against her. Atop her. Pressing her down beneath its weight. It was rummaging she realized in stark petrified terror, it was looking for that perfect place to grip and tear.

And then it was gone.

The beast retreated with a soft cry, leaving Becca disheveled, trembling, but (to her bleak amazement) intact. Under the bed something moved and the light faded. Whatever had pounced on her was huddled under the foot of her bed trembling and whimpering. Becca squatted and edged nearer to gawp at the creature.

The thing under Rebecca Ann Westin’s bed was clearly some kind of animal; it had too many limbs (at least eight she could see) and was furred, about the size of a large dog. For one ridiculous moment Becca thought of her father’s Australian Terrier, Melvin, but this is no dog. The beast had orange-brown fur, oversized six-fingered hands ending in blunt fingernails something like a man’s but much bigger, and most certainly much stronger. Becca was sure the creature could have torn her to pieces if something hadn’t caused its hasty retreat back under the bed.

Becca stared directly at the monster’s eyes –it had two– both perfectly round, each rimmed in gold, but with centers the exact same blue as her own set into the palms of two hands!

BedMonster stared right back.

“What are you?” Becca croaked.

“What are you?” came the sneering response. Its voice was small, afraid, somewhat human, but decidedly not.

“You talk!” As the thing had no head, no clear front or back, this astonished Becca.

“Of course I talk! I’m a bedmonster! Now what are you?” it sniffled, its bravado seemed to be wavering, as if it were in pain.

“Bedmonster? As in nightmare-under-the-bed? But those are fairy stories, ghosts and goblins!”

“Bedmonsters are nothing like fairies, and certainly not like any smelly old goblin, and there are no such things as ghosts. Bedmonsters are the great hunters, the stealthy snatchers, we go where others fear to tread!”

Becca wanted to point out that the bedmonster was currently cowering and whimpering under her bed but that seemed somewhat impolite so she said instead, “You speak English.”

“And modern Greek, some provincial backwoods French, and Latin. Fluently. What’s your point?”

Now the thing was petulant.

“But what are you? I’m sorry, but I still don’t know what a bedmonster really is.”

“A bedmonster obviously is the thing you fear in the dark, the thing that creeps under your bed at night, so when you feel that silent shift of air and know there is a malevolence beneath you, you lie still and quiver and hope that my kind do not come for you.”

It sounded like it was quoting something, or someone, else. “Now again, what are you?” the beast demanded.

“I’m... a girl. My name’s Becca.”

The light about BedMonster seemed to flicker just for a moment, almost in excitement, when Becca said her name.

“Yessss,” it hissed. “You are. Well you are a nasty girl, a naughty girl, fearing me under your bed in Day, opening some weird-assed Gateish thing, drawing me here. Don’t you know bedmonsters shrivel up and die in sunlight?” The bedmonster now sounded aggrieved, and blinked its watery blue eyes once.

“Me? I didn’t bring you here.” It was then that Becca noticed BedMonster was slowly creeping toward her, staying well away from the slant of sunlight streaming in from her mullioned window. “What do you eat?” she demanded suspiciously.

“Human flesh. Specifically, when I can get it, yours.”

“ME?!!”

“Not you, the stuff that sloughs off you. Bedmonsters exist in an asymptomatic-symbiotic relationship with people.”

A whatsit now?

“Shouldn’t you be in school?” a voice demanded from behind Becca who jumped up so fast she actually whirled in midair.

“Aunt Andrea!”

“What were you doing down there?”

Becca was speechless, her eyes darted back to the bed but its sheets were once again dangling onto the floor.

More Information
Buy the book on Amazon